MrSmithsonian93

I've been thinking about changing Smitty into a dingo and renaming him Donny. "Dingo Donny".

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!

Over the past 2 weeks, I've been experiencing anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. It all started on the night when I was in bed. Without warning, the phrase, "I wish I was dead" kept coming up in my mind. I thought it's just nonsense; I had a good night sleep though. A couple of days past by and that's when I began to have terrible thoughts of cutting my wrists and hanging myself. I became very afraid. Then on the first Sunday, when I was eating lunch with my parents, my dad was having fun with me, but I didn't smile or laugh, I pouted, and then I burst into tears. And that's when I told my parents about what's happening to me. I told them I might have depression. Well they thought it's my anxiety since Christmas was around the corner and I always get excited; it's my most favourite day of the year. I also told them that I don't want to kill myself and leave this world too young. My mom made an appointment with my doctor to see if I can get my meds upgraded. While I was waiting for the day, the bad thoughts kept bombarding my mind. But, my mom kept telling me that she and everybody loves me so much because I'm a very special person. And I have to agree with her, I am a loving and special person. She also told me to pray to God and tell him to get rid of those thoughts. I also keep saying to myself, "I'm not going to kill myself", "I don't want to die", "I love myself", and "I love this world". Recently, my mom told me not to say "I'm not going to kill myself" to myself all the time; it makes it worse. Lesson learned. Last Sunday in church, I shared my story to our friends in class. My mom shed some tears. During service, while singing "Joy to the World", I went up to the alter to pray. My mom and a friend of ours, who is a Vietnam War veteran, prayed with me. He told me he's been having the same thing three times. That's one of the reasons why he has his service dog. I gave him a big hug and a big thanks for supporting me. On Tuesday, I went to the doctor to tell her what's been happening to me. Like me, my doctor is a Christian too and she prayed for me. How sweet of her. After my emergency checkup, I was reverted back to my old medication. I think it's helping and I'm starting to go back to my old self again. So if you are suffering the same things that I had, NEVER give up. Fight it by using self-control.